I came across a film on Netflix, ‘Midwinter Break.’ I was attracted initially by the lead actors, Ciaran Hinds and Lesley Manville. The brief description given was it was about a couple who discover cracks in their relationship on a trip to Amsterdam. I wasn’t looking for a story about marital discord but decided to take a chance.

The film covered some interesting themes and history. ( Spoiler alert if you want to see the film). It begins in Scotland during Christmas. The couple are empty nesters and expats from Ireland. The wife, Stella, is a religious Catholic and the husband, Gerry, an atheist. Stella plans a surprise trip to Amsterdam as a Christmas present for him.

It turns out she has another motive for going to Amsterdam other than a vacation. We are introduced through flashbacks to an earlier very traumatic event in their lives that caused them to leave Ireland. Stella was randomly shot in Belfast during an outbreak of violence. She was in a late stage of pregnancy at the time. As she lay on the ground not knowing if she or her baby would survive, she made a promise that if God would save her baby she would devote her life to Him. This to me was a ‘foxhole’ promise. A promise people make when in severe crisis or life-threatening circumstances. Stella had always felt guilty for not fulfilling her promise. She feels like she should follow through with it now. She never tells her husband anything about it other than she always considered her baby’s survival a miracle, divine intervention.

Stella goes to Amsterdam to visit a historic monastic community for single women, Begijnhof, and secretly thinks of joining it. She does eventually tell her husband she wants to separate from him but does not tell him the whole story.

Gerry is bewildered by Stella’s sudden change. A sign of his unhappiness is his drinking. He also has had his own losses which he tells a stranger about in Amsterdam. He had lost a promising career as an architect when the business was destroyed in a fire during the violence in Ireland.

Gerry won’t give up on Stella that easily. She feels like he is not taking her seriously when she has told him how unhappy and dissatisfied she has been. She says he does not respect her religious beliefs. But she is not honest with him about what is really motivating her to want to make these drastic changes. She never tells him in the film but we learn of it when she tells a woman she meets who lives in the Begijnhof community. Stella says she has never told anyone.

Stella comes to find out through the woman that the monastic community no longer exists as it did in the past. The housing is still for single women but not related to religion.

Gerry tells Stella he never saw her and their baby’s survival as a miracle but that she, Stella, was his miracle. He is devoted to her. In the end Stella appears to be moved by his declaration and they stay together.

I thought if only she had discussed her conflict with a priest or counselor they might have helped her find a way of resolving it. She could have explained it to her husband.

A big part of marriage is navigating the differences that exist between you.

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Writer’s Workshop is hosted by John Holton. One of today’s prompts is ‘What does marriage mean to you?’ Featured image by BiancaVanDijk on Pixabay.com

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