Category Archives: My Life

Separateness is an Illusion?

We are here to awaken from our illusion of separateness.        –Thich Nhat Hanh

When I was about 8 years old I exclaimed to my mother that we are all truly alone because our souls are separate and that we can not know how each of us feels inside. I was becoming aware of existential loneliness.

3333457785_bae36e300d_z  balloon

It seems nowadays I experience the opposite. How can I possibly feel separate when I open my Inbox each morning to a tsunami of mail.

There are multiple notifications from WordPress and Facebook. Pleas and proclamations from interest groups asking me to sign petitions and donate or warnings about the latest pending environmental disaster, GMOs, and pesticides killing us and the bees. I am concerned about all these issues but I am starting to get “compassion overload.”

I get messages from the library about books being due or coming in and e-lists of book recommendations. I get articles, blurbs, blogs and messages about Art, Ageing, Boomers, adult education and Job Search results.

How can I possibly have illusions of being separate with my Inbox so full?

6022279419_7517b6bf4a_o  Email sucks

It takes a good part of my time to keep the incoming volume of email under control. I think I am going to have to unsubscribe to a lot of this stuff. I really don’t want to have it taking up so much of my time.

But does all this internet interconnectedness really make me feel less separate?

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I am aware of my connection with others when I read something that resonates or get a thoughtful or supportive comment on my posts. A ping back and re-blog is encouraging. 🙂

But I have to sort through an awful lot of stuff, separating the chaff, to get those precious grains of wisdom, inspiration, encouragement and real connection.

Hard Times

A young man was standing on the divider on my way out of the Target parking lot. He was holding a sign begging for money. He reminded me of my son, when he was in his twenties. It always gets to me to see kids like this.

I turned back and came around again to give him money. He walked up to me with difficulty. He had braces on his legs and when he reached out with his hand he had some kind of disability where his fingers did not quite bend. I thought later it could be cerebral palsy. I was haunted after that.

I called up a local social service agency and talked to a social worker and told him what I saw and asked what could be done. The social worker said often times the kids we see on the street are abusing drugs and it is hard to get them to come in but that his agency still tried to help. He told me there had been a local government meeting on how to deal with the problem of homeless youth.

The social worker told me he thought he knew the boy I was describing and that the young man and his mother had come into his agency at one time. He told me if I saw the boy again I could give him information about the agency and encourage him to come in and to say Hi from the social worker. I asked him if I could volunteer for his agency and he said they did not need volunteers at that time.

I drove back to Target during the week a few times to look for that young man. One day I spotted him walking back to a van from the divider. I was scared to approach because I did not know how he would react and I did not know who else was in the van. Maybe it was a whole group of people who went out begging together.

What makes us fear getting involved and be suspicious?

But I had information ready to give him about the social service agency. I parked my car and walked across the parking lot to his van as he was getting into it. As I approached him he looked a bit wary. I told him I had seen him the other day and wanted to help. He said, “Hard times.” He reached out to shake my hand and introduce himself. I stared at his fingers and tried to suppress my look of distress. I think he noticed.

An older woman was in the van, his mom? She looked a bit threatened. I then realized the guy was older than I first thought. They were probably not the same people the social worker had met. I went on talking, nervously,  about the agency and the social worker who said he thought he knew them and that they should come in. The woman looked confused when I said this and then I realized that they did not know the social worker.

I went on about how the agency could help with housing. I handed him the index card with information about the agency and their hours.

The man and his mom thanked me. I never saw him begging there after that. I hope they found help or maybe I scared them off.

I was inspired to write this post by two other great blogs about homelessness and the fear of getting involved.

Luciledegodoy

Writeoutofthedarkness

3093763311_2a83db98ba_z  Homeless Boy and his dog

Disconnections

I know this is true but I had forgotten. When you are wrestling with an issue information will start popping up about it all around you.

Today I opened my email from Idealist Careers and here was a post about something I had been thinking and writing about myself. The post was called Embrace JOMO: The Joy of Missing Out by Allison Jones. In it she linked to another blogger Anil Dash who had written on this topic as well. JOMO is a response to FOMO or Fear of Missing Out.

I get a little crazy with all the acronyms. Believe me, it is not that I have never seen an acronym before because in my work life in Nursing and Teaching there are plenty of them. It just seems like, with all the frenzied communication, we are all talking in acronyms. When I first saw FLOTUS it reminded me of flatus and I thought of gas. POTUS, a potted plant. Well maybe these acronyms are a lot of hot air after all. But I digress.

The gist of the blogs about JOMO and mine is that we can be selective about all the social activities and interactions that are asking for our participation these days. We need to be in touch with ourselves and what our needs and priorities are. There is great JOY in taking time for our private lives and quiet pastimes alone or with our friends and families.

This post relates to our assignment to make connections with other bloggers. As I was making more connections, I connected with kspoints  Adventure Pengembara and she commented on my post Blogger Burnout saying that she had to schedule an hour once a week for connecting with bloggers so she has time for the rest of her life.

Other bloggers commented on my post with similar sentiments. The need to find a balance and find  the JOMO.

14598406762_4376511853_z  Peaceful

Blogger Burnout

I developed blogger burnout and did not know it.

Angry Kid

Angry Kid

It has been difficult to balance writing my blog with the time it takes to make connections with other bloggers, looking at the blogs of those who have liked mine, reading their blogs and commenting and having time for the rest of my life.

I get drawn to checking for messages on my archive and who responded or liked me lately as well.

It’s not that I want to stop getting feedback. I would love more comments besides the likes so that I can have a discussion going and get other writer’s perspectives.

I have discussed this balance thing with other bloggers like  Natso and  aOpinionated Man .

We came to a consensus that one needs to find their balance.

Balance by Brent Moore

Balance by Brent Moore

Whoever thought of this “like” idea in social media must have studied psychology. It is human nature to want to check out who likes you, don’t you think?

I appreciate another blogger who recently gave me a ping back on his blog Too Full to Write.

Spending so much time related to my blogging is taking up not only time but energy.
Us introverted types get easily worn out when there is a high demand to process a lot of input and have a lot of social interaction.

I'm so tired by Gwen Quinlan

I’m so tired by Gwen Quinlan

We need down time to recharge and regroup. We need our space.

And I do have other things I need to do in my life or should be doing.
I am not good with the shoulds either. I have never been very good with the shoulds. Like I should be exercising, shopping for healthy meals, or cleaning the house.
I think I need to work out a schedule for myself and  how much time I will spend reading other blogs, checking the archive and responding each day.
I wonder how other have managed to keep a balance with their blogging, connecting with other writers and the rest of their lives.

I would love to hear how you have dealt with this issue and if it is an issue for you or not.

Elmine in Enschede work/life balance

Elmine in Enschede work/life balance

After starting this blog I saw a post by Michelle from WordPress Blogging 101 about the importance of avoiding blogging burnout by taking breaks from your blog.

Rest Area? by Peter Dutton

Rest Area? by Peter Dutton

That’s how I found the title for this blog and a description of what I had been feeling.

Fire Season

“Mom, are you ok? I saw a report about the fires on the news. You can come stay with me at my apartment,” my son called to ask.

“Don’t worry, we’re fine,” I told him. I had checked the news and the fires were over the hill north of us in Simi Valley. Another fire had broken out in Bell Canyon but that was east of us. Fires usually burned from North to South down the canyons to Malibu.

Later that night after we had gone to bed I heard the helicopters flying over. It did seem like they were pretty close to our house.

It was  2 a.m. and I lay awake while my husband slept. That’s when I heard the sheriff’s loud-speaker outside announcing, ” Voluntary evacuation.” I went our to my front porch. Neighbors stood outside up and down the street. All of us in our PJs and robes. I went back into the house to wake up my husband.

We were standing outside talking with our neighbors. There was a discussion about what we should do. As we all pondered our options, a sheriff’s car made its way down our street toward us with his loud-speaker warning, ” Mandatory evacuation, mandatory evacuation!”

My next door neighbor remarked he had not seen our neighbors from across the street outside. I told him he better go over and make sure they knew what was happening. He went across the street to alert them. We all ran back into our houses.

I called my son to tell him we were being evacuated and we would be coming to his apartment in the valley. My husband and I ran around the house trying to decide what was important to take with us.

We searched for important papers, wedding and baby albums, a family portrait, special mementos, and enough clothing for a few days. We ran in and out of the house filling both cars with our belongings.

We decided to leave our cat in the house. She was a bit of a wild cat and fought anyone who would try to put her in a carrier. I knew she would be terrified of any strangers outside. We hoped and told ourselves the fire would not come to our house. We did live in a residential area. Not up against any open country or grassy area.

We caravanned to our son’s apartment in the middle of the night. I felt like a homeless person with everything packed in our cars.

It is very disorienting and frightening to be evacuated in the middle of the night. We could not see the fire from our house so it was hard to tell how close it actually was.

I learned later that the disaster plan had been set in place to evacuate neighborhoods as the fire reached predetermined locations. This was to prevent a scene of panicked residents trying to evacuate while firefighters were trying to get to the fire.

We were evacuated for 2 days. I did sneak back to my house during the day to check on my cat. My mother in law wanted me to get my china that had been a wedding present from her.

The main route to my neighborhood  had been blocked off by the Fire Department. It gave me an eerie feeling to see my street so empty and abandoned of cars and people.

The largest north-south artery next to my development was a staging area for the firefighters. Fire trucks from several different cities’ departments were lined up along its entire length.

We were lucky and the fire never made its way to our street.

The Fire Season in California usually occurs every year in the Fall when the weather is hot and dry and the wind picks up. It has been coming earlier in recent years because of the drought.

My husband saw a sign on the Las Virgenes Canyon Road the other day warning of Extremely High Fire Danger.

Coyote

Coyote. I hear your pack howling in the middle of the night. When your cries become more excited, a crescendo of high-pitched yipping, it frightens me. I imagine you have cornered your prey. A small animal or maybe someone’s pet.

When I first came to Agoura I attended a PTA get acquainted meeting at the local school. One of the moms told me a coyote had gotten their family pet. I was horrified. I did not realize coyotes were living so close to us and that they would attack pets in the backyard.

One time a neighbor’s cat was killed, the remains found on the front lawn. I made sure our cat was inside at night. On occasion, she would ignore my calls to come in at dusk. I would listen for her in the night. If I heard any cries or screeching I would imagine the worst.

One early morning, I went out to the front of my house. In the next driveway a large coyote stood staring at me. We made eye contact. Then he slowly loped off down the street.

I have seen coyotes around the area when hiking with my daughter. They do not bother us but just continue on their way.

Coyote. I know we have encroached on your territory more and more and that is why you come hunting in ours.

Coyotes, Coyote Pictures, Coyote Facts – National Geographic.

Eureka Valley and The Castro

Eureka Valley

My early childhood memories are of living in the Eureka Valley neighborhood of San Francisco. My father’s parents came to San Francisco from Ireland and owned a house on Eureka Street. My mother’s parents came to San Francisco from Canada when my mother was 7 years old. We lived a block over from my father’s childhood home.

At that time, in the 1950s, it was a neighborhood with mostly an Irish, Italian and German ethnic makeup and Catholic. The neighborhood was self-contained in that our lives pretty much revolved around that area and we did not venture out of it that often.

My neighborhood world consisted of a public school, Douglass Elementary, a public park, Eureka Valley Recreation Center, the Catholic church and elementary school, Most Holy Redeemer, and our local movie theater, the Castro. My father told me our neighborhood had the most children in all of San Francisco.

I transferred to the Catholic elementary school in first grade. Then it was about uniforms with navy blue pleated skirts. White blouses with t-bow ties. Bobby socks and saddle shoes. Nuns dressed in long black habits with starched white wimples and heavy waist rosaries. Catechism and first communions, with white dresses and veils. Rosaries, prayers, and stations of the cross. I was taught religious tolerance and that other religions are different paths to God.

The Monsignor would come to our classrooms and read us our report cards. He pronounced my name De-BOR-ah, with a brogue. It was a time of high expectations and pressure for a sensitive kid.

It was a time of hula hoops, jump ropes and clamp on metal skates that you tightened with a key. I was not allowed to have a bicycle because of the city traffic.

We watched the Mickey Mouse Club afterschool every day and dreamed of being Mouseketeers, like Annette Funicello. I loved Spin and Marty, a short TV series that was part of the Mickey Mouse Club show. I really wanted a Mouseketeer hat with a pink bow.

Halloween in our neighborhood was a big occasion. There was a local five and dime store called Cliffs on Castro Street. Every year Cliff hosted a Halloween parade lead by a large mechanical dinosaur. I remember kids lining up in their costumes behind the dinosaur to march down 18th Street.

The Castro Theatre

The Castro Theatre was built in 1922. It has over a 1400 seat capacity with a mezzanine and balcony. It is still in operation today. I can remember going there for the Saturday matinee with the theater full of kids. The price of admission was 25 cents. Candy was 10-15 cents. Some of that sugary fare included Necco wafers, Rolo caramels, Charms squares, Milk Duds, Red Vines licorice and Juicy Fruits.

Some movies that were showing at that time were, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin comedies like Scared Stiff, Godzilla, Cinderella, and Lady and the Tramp. I would laugh hysterically at Abbott and Costello and Jerry Lewis. Some may remember Tobor the Great and ” Tobor is robot spelled backwards.”

Sometimes I saw really scary movies like The Fly ( 1958), The Blob (1958) and The Tingler (1959), a centipede like creature that lived on our spines and grew stronger with fear. The only way to keep it from growing was to scream. There was a scene with blood running out of a faucet and a bath tub filled with blood. In one part of the movie, Vincent Price announced the Tingler was loose in the theater. The scary feelings elicited by those movies would last for weeks.

My friends and I often went by ourselves to the movies, but I can remember my mother taking me as well. My mother took me to see Creature from the Black Lagoon, one of the 3D films of the 1950s.

We moved from San Francisco to the peninsula when I was in 4th grade. There was a waiting list for the Catholic school there so I was enrolled in the local public school. That was the end of my Catholic school experience.

The old neighborhood has changed since the 1950s and is now known as The Castro and for its history in the beginning of the Gay Rights movement. Douglass Elementary is now the Harvey Milk Civil Rights Academy.

Featured image “The Castro” by Lucy Orloski

Guilty Pleasure

When I am really into one of my blog topics, I can spend the whole day sitting in front of my computer. I am there happily researching articles and other sources I find on the internet that pertain to my topic. Jotting down a few notes, links, and then looking for images on Creative Commons that will be the visual components.

I have had some guilty feelings over my lack of exercise. My treadmill sits abandoned behind me as I write and looks at me reproachfully. I have even thought about how my sitting like this is not the best for my back. Well today I was absolved of my guilt by a very funny post I saw on Hyperallergic by Hallie Bateman entitled:

The Art of Posture.”

Thank You Hallie for relieving my guilt and giving me a good laugh.

The Wine Country

The recent earthquake in Napa has put the Napa Valley Wine Country in the news. I have always thought of this part of Northern California as part of the original “wine country.” There is so much to know and tell about this area of California I can only cover a small part.

There was a commercial for a wine maker many years ago, where a little cartoon guy says their wine is from “sonapanomamendocino.”  This was meant to be a funny combination of the names of the three original wine-producing counties in Northern California, which are Napa, Sonoma, and Mendocino.

St. Helena, Napa Valley

My family always drove through St. Helena, in Napa Valley, on our way to Clear Lake every summer. We would take the route over Mount St. Helena. The countryside near St. Helena is especially beautiful. At that time, it was a pretty country town. We used to stop on Main Street at a Soda Fountain Shop for hamburgers, ice cream sodas or milkshakes. Today St. Helena is more upscale but still pretty. The soda fountain is no longer there. Heading out of the downtown area on Highway 29 there is a beautiful arch of sycamore trees over the road. The Culinary Institute of America at Greystone is located down this highway where the Christian Brothers Winery used to be. Perhaps this site could be called a “Ghost Winery.”

There are several sites of old wineries called ghost wineries. Some have been refurbished and opened under new names. Freemark Abbey on Highway 29, a short distance from downtown St. Helena, is one. There used to be a candle factory located on that site as well called the Hurd Candle Factory which is sadly no longer there. Hurd specializes in beeswax candles and you could watch them being made at the old factory. Their store is now located in Calistoga, Ca. but you can not longer watch the candles being made.

Valley of the Moon

Located in Sonoma County, Sonoma Valley or “The Valley of the Moon” is a beautiful part of the wine country. There is controversy about where its name, Sonoma, originated. It is often attributed to the early indigenous people’s word for “many moons.” As the moon rises in the valley it can be hidden behind the mountains and appear to rise again several times. Thus, the name “many moons.” Jack London had a home in the Sonoma Valley in Glen Ellen. One of his books is ” The Valley of the Moon.” Who wouldn’t want to be in the Valley of the Moon, how beautiful. The name stuck.

The city of Sonoma has a large main square that is great for walking with a park, shops and restaurants surrounding it. It is the birthplace of wine growing in California and the birthplace of the state of California. Sonoma was founded as a Spanish Mission and was under Mexican rule. The Bear Flag Rebellion occurred there when some of the people wanted California to be part of the United States. That is the reason for the bear image on the state flag of California.

We stayed in Sonoma this past Christmas. The city has a small town feel. We could see a lot of stars at night as there is not a lot of city light to cloud the view. Sonoma is conveniently located for touring around and visiting a winery. A favorite thing for me is to buy a delicious crusty baguette, some good cheese, dry Italian salami and some Greek olives with a bottle of wine and have a picnic lunch. We did that at a nearby winery, Benziger, in Glen Ellen. We had a fun tour of the winery pulled along in a tram-car behind a tractor. The winery is in a gorgeous location on Sonoma Mountain.

Today California’s wine growing regions cover many parts of the state. There are wineries from San Diego to Humboldt counties. When I travel up the 101 Highway I can see a lot of land from Santa Barbara to Paso Robles has gone to vineyards. If you have seen the movie “Sideways” you know a little about the wine region in the Santa Ynez Valley above Santa Barbara.

But I will always think of Napa and Sonoma when anyone mentions the California Wine Country.

Wall Mural for Valley of the Moon image by Frank Kovalchek

Wall Mural for Valley of the Moon image by Frank Kovalchek

Featured Image “Idyllic Fall Day in the Napa Valley” by James Dalsa

Most Famous Bond Girl and the Drive-in Movies

My morning routine usually begins with a cup of coffee first (of course). Then, turn on lap top and check email. Then, move on to browsing through the Huffington Post. The front page has the serious news on the top and, as I scroll down, a variety of articles. Some of which I can really live without. Like those involving anything about the Kardashians, Miley Cyrus or a celebrity’s clothing problems. After checking out the front page, I might go to their spiritual section which tells you how to control your stress, be happy and get enlightened in 5-8 steps. Third stop, Post 50 with all the advice and article for those over 50.

One blogger I like a lot is Ann Brenoff. Her post today is about the actress Honor Blackman or better known as, the title of the blog says, “ Most Famous Bond Girl, Pussy Galore, [Turns, 89].”

Ann’s blog triggered some thoughts and memories  for me. I remember seeing “Goldfinger” at a drive-in theater with my boyfriend when I was 16. At that time, before women’s lib and when I did not have any knowledge of women’s history, I found this character’s name offensive. I did not see her as an inspiring role model for me. Like, “Guess what mom? , I want to grow up to be like Pussy Galore.”  It sounded like a porn star. While many boys probably fantasized about themselves as James Bond.

Not wanting to be unfair to Ms. Blackman, I did a little research on her career. I found she was in the original “Avengers” series and her character “Mrs. Cathy Gale” was apparently an inspiration to feminists in England. I do understand that women have not always been given strong roles in films. And I admire Ms. Blackman for going strong at 89.

“Goldfinger” also got me thinking about Drive-In movies. During the summer growing up, I stayed at my grandmother’s house in Clear Lake. The only movie theater in town was a drive-in. It would be very dark in the country at night and my cousin and I would walk to the drive-in with flashlights. On the way, we would see the flattened bodies of many dead frogs that had been attracted by the headlights of passing cars and run over. We would take a blanket with us and watch the movie sitting on the ground.

Going to the drive-in was a popular date night activity when I was a teenager. The price was reasonable for the movie and a snack and it was an opportunity for young lovers to be alone.

Drive-ins were popular with families with children as well. You could bring the whole family, including babies and toddlers, and not worry about the kids making noise.

When my kids were really little, we took them to drive-ins with us when we didn’t have a babysitter. On a trip up the coast one summer we stopped in Santa Barbara. We had our 18 month old son with us and the only way we could see a movie was to go to a drive-in with him.

If you’re curious about movie theater history, I found an interesting website.

I have some happy memories about summer and drive-in movies. How about you?

Image by Bradley Gordon

Image by Bradley Gordon