“Vanity working on a weak head, produces every sort of mischief.” –Jane Austen
Blogging can be quite an ego trip don’t you think? It can really give you a fat head. I think anyone who blogs needs to keep this in mind. It is more worthy to maintain our humility.
Nice things we can do for each other as writers is to read each others work and try to be supportive of each other. I have found there are bloggers out there who do this and I really appreciate and admire them.
Give a genuine complement. There has to be something about someone else’s efforts you find praiseworthy.
Vanity is not exclusively a female trait. It applies to both male and female bloggers equally.
Notes Tied On The Sagebrush 
Are you seeing a trend with bloggers making demands on readers and followers? I have read a few blog posts now that were rebuttals to those that demand all followers must comment, or all follows must be reciprocated.
Maybe I don’t get it because I really just write for the heck of it vs. wanting to make a career out of blogging, but there have been a few of those responses lately.
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I have not seen that demand. It does bug me though when I find I am regularly commenting on someone else’s blog and they do not come back and like or comment on mine. Maybe it is just the ones with the most followers. Because I can see where that would be difficult if you have so many people. But on the other hand not all the followers are commenting so it seems they could take the time to at least check in with their regular commenters. I have stopped commenting on one guys blog because he never took the time to reciprocate. I do take the time to check out who is following me. I try to follow back. Sometimes it is a business or someone I do not feel I can connect with very well so I do not follow them. I do like to have a sense of community and I do not feel I need a large following either.
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Exactly. Follower numbers, while nice, can be very misleading. I just look to who comments often on my blog and I interact with, which is how I find new people to follow mostly. That and Nano Poblano 🙂
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That is a great quote, Deborah: I had to see which book it was from (it’s the English major in me), and it is from Emma, which was not my favorite of Austen’s novels when I was younger but now is near the top of my list, possibly because it shows up vanity so well. I am also puzzled as to why a few bloggers never comment back: they may have thousands of followers, but, as you point out, sometimes not many readers have actually commented. Clearly, they don’t need to comment to maintain their following, but, if they’ve opened up a dialogue with a closing question, wouldn’t you think they’d be interested in the answers? Remember the little people, oh famous bloggers.
On the other hand, I personally haven’t been good about checking on the most recent people to follow me. If the new follower leaves a comment, I will almost certainly go check on that person. Follows without comments are less compelling (not fair, but there are only so many hours in a day). With Photo 101, I am trying to “like” without commenting as much: otherwise, I don’t get to see many pictures. The numbers mean less to me than getting a few comments, honestly, but then, like NotaPunkRocker, I’m just writing “for the heck of it.” This is a thought-provoking post, Deborah. Thanks for asking the question.
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Well. Sometimes they don’t comment back. But what I meant was when I am a regular commenter and the person does not ever come and check out my blog. It’s like they think ok adoring fans you may comment on my glorious posts but don’t expect me to come and check out yours.
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Sigh. I have a feeling you’re talking about me, but maybe that’s just my ego speaking. But you’re right. I don’t follow and/or comment on everyone’s blogs who comment on mine…and I should. Not, as you noted, the ones who follow but don’t comment or “like” but don’t comment. But certainly on those who do comment with any regularity. I have seen the light.
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Well, I must admit it was you but not just you. I thought about it and at first I was explaining it is because they have so many followers. But then I thought no they could respond to the few people who regularly comment because it seems it is not an overwhelming number. Anyway, I am glad you came and read my post and commented. Yay!
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Oh, I see. Yes, one of my favorite things about blogging is that, at its best, it is a two-way street 🙂 Well, the person is missing out, Deborah, because your posts are invariably entertaining and thoughtful. 🙂 By the way, I love the pictures you chose.
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Thanks. Sandi. I am grateful for the friendly and nice people I have met like you 🙂
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Right back at you, Deborah 🙂 By the way, my comment made it sound like I get new followers all the time, which is not the case. But the longer I do this, the more I appreciate comments.
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One thing that I’ve really enjoyed since recently starting to blog is connecting with all kinds of people. Connecting with others has been a real highlight! I’ve read some great writing, learned interesting information and picked-up a number of really good recipes. : )
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Making connections is very nice.
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How very true, Deborah. But you are fantastic at engaging with people. In fact, I haven’t come across anybody as supportive as you – I really do admire you and will try to learn from you. xxx
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Thank You Anna. You are very kind. I try to be supportive. Sometimes I have a sarcastic side too or I might be kidding and people can take it the wrong way. I appreciate your support. xoxo
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Well, I haven’t noticed any sarcasm – but what I HAVE noticed is warmth, friendliness and empathy. You sound like a LOVELY person, and I am absolutely delighted to have made your acquaintance. xxx
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xxxx
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xxxxxxxxxxx See, I always like to go one better!
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OK. You win! 😀
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You are very good at connecting, Deborah. I am glad to have met you and to have started reading your blog because of Nano Poblano. The whole purpose is to find other blogs and bloggers that you can relate to and with. If that thread of interest is not there for any reason, there is no obligation to continue the process.
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Thank You Mark very much. The feeling is mutual. I think Nano Poblano and other groups like it are really great in helping us newcomers meet other writers. I feel that community is important so we do not feel isolated in our own little sound chamber.
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And thank you. I agree that feedback and the knowledge that eyeballs are there is very important when you’re starting this journey, Deborah.
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Love that little Nano Pablano graphic! (First time I have seen it!) It is so much easier to type than NaBloPoMo. hehe!
It is true that blogging can be quite good and sometimes hard on the ego. I try to comment on as many blogs as I can but it is getting more difficult to find the time. This month during NaBloPoMo I am carving out time to make sure I visit and comment as many blogs as I can.
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Glad you stopped by and commented. I will be sure to stop by your blog as well if I have not done so already. 🙂
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Apt post.
I really think a lot of people do the best they can pertaining to their circumstances. Plus their interests of what they are drawn to. I try to always come and comment if a new face appears in my comments. To be fair I have lost track of my followers which is a weird place to be – and I dislike it – but it is what it is.
I forget to drop in sometimes to people aswell, bearing in mind that everyone has their favourite places to stop off and read. Sometimes there is NO interaction on some blogs i enjoy reading, and on others I always comment.
I REALLY dislike it when bloggers do not respond to comments on their own blog. I frankly do not give rats if they stop in at mine or not…I am reading their blog because I want to not out of politeness. First stop is manners – a follow back often (not always – eg – I have foreign blogs following me and it is really weird to follow back when it is obvious I am NEVER going to go read. I DID try some, but it was pointlessly frustrating to say the least)
Blogging is a lot about community, though for some it is not just about community.
Personally I think we are all here for different reasons, and all do it differently. I hesitate to place constraints on someone because they have not met my expectations of my reasons to blog – you know?
I have commented on literally thousands of blogs… a small handful have reciprocated and become regular commentators. An dif I am brutally honest – sometimes they visit me more than I can visit them. I tried once to keep up – all our situations are so so different. I know some folk who blog all day everyday inbetween everything – on their phones, ipads, at work, etc..and they love it like that – I am trying to limit myself. THAT is the hardest thing I am trying to do with blogging now,,, because – you have to choose sometimes… write, comment, plan, tidy up blog, or tidy up your for a change 😉 Maybe speak to your husband occasionally instead of keeping up with EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE you have shown your face, Just not possible…but I do not see why I should not comment on someone’s blog just because they may EXPECT me to become a permanent fixture – up to them if they want to be permanent on my blog – it is their choice. I should have just done another post! LMAO!
That’s me for today now I reckon!
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Thanks for the thorough comment. I agree you should not feel obligated. I think it is nice if you are in a group to reach out to others. May not connect forever like you say. May not have enough interest or connection. I actually wrote about EGO because some bloggers do sound a bit puffed up. I feel the same way in that I do not want to spend all day and in all locations hooked up to my blog. I have to figure that one out myself.
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I absolutely agree 😉
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I’m a total newbie… First Nahblahblah and only a total of 20-something posts ever… and I’m still totally confused by the etiquette. I get excited when someone I don’t know leaves a comment, coz it means there is someone out there who took the time to read my stuff. And I really don’t understand the blogging business at all… sad but true… coming to it all very very late and very very unsure… I took up the monthly challenge thing to make myself get into a pattern and out of a rut… or into a new rut?… and I’m certainly spending LOTS of time reading, but I don’t always comment if I think I’m not likely to continue reading that person’s work… if it doesn’t connect with me… is that bad? “Breathing Life’ ( my one and only follower!) described it as ‘finding a heard’ and that really resonated. Anyway, just wasted a few minutes of your life! Thanks for making me think.
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It is up to you how you want to behave with your blog. I was talking about Ego and how to be supportive of other writers. So you go and read their post and like or comment. Comments are better because then they know you actually read their post. Yes be selective with people you find a connection or are interested in. I was ranting a bit about people who get regular comments and then do not reciprocate by at least checking your blog out. I think this is mentioned in Blogging 101 and by wordpress staff. That if someone follows you it is nice to acknowledge it some way. You will see people go on others about page and say thanks for the follow. I would say the same if you have a regular commenter. To go check out their blog. This is how you build a community for yourself so that you are not just sitting there writing to yourself.
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Great point you raise here; I agree it’s a gift to support each other’s writing and engage in dialogue about it. That’s why I love WordPress; I find it’s the best platform for introducing bloggers to one another and making connections. Thanks for this thought-provoking post!
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Thanks. Appreciate your comment and support.
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Great post. Thank you for writing it.
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Thank You. It is good for all of us to remember including me. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Mindful Digressions and commented:
Earlier today I posted about how I’d been taken to task for not going back and reading posts by a blogger who had made a lot of comments on my posts.
My post got quite a reaction from many perspectives. So far, that post alone has had more than 150 views today and more than 100 comments, which I found quite surprising — or at least unexpected.
I appreciate everyone chiming in, some coming to my defense, some critical of me, and a number critical of the notion that there is an obligation to read the blogs of people who comment on your posts.
Anyway, here’s the post that inspired my post, so this is what got this whole brouhaha started.
I’m disabling comments here on this post, so please make your comments on Deborah’s post.
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Well Deborah, first let me say I caught the name right off it is spelled like my sister and believe she would let you know if you spelled it wrong. Second I usually don’t comment until I have read more than one blog by an author but in this case I was amazed and very happy to only read one of yours. I love reading blogs and writing them but I really like yours you say what you mean and if we don’t like it you don’t get upset you just write another one. Thank you so much for sharing and I will be reading more of yours in the future. God bless and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours from me and mine. Kat
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Thank You so much Kat. Appreciate your kind words. Thanks for visiting my blog and reading my post. Happy Thanksgiving. 🙂
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It’s an interesting subject. I’ve read all the comments on Doobster’s blog, and on here too. I think it comes down to basic manners and being polite in the end, and you can only do so much in that area that will please everyone. If someone comments upon my blog I am mightily pleased, and I always go and check their blog. If I like what I see I tell them so. If someone consistently comments, and their blog is not my kettle of bananas, as long as it isn’t offensive, I find something, some post I like and comment back. But if after that they comment a lot, and I just dont find their blog at all interesting I can’t lie and comment for manners sake. Also, I happily follow bloggers and comment on their blogs because I very much like their blogs, it’s a shame if this is not reciprocated, but I’ll not stop following someone purely because they don’t give me comments back. That would be tit for tat, and not what my blogging is about at all. I didn’t like the fact that you seemed to be being attacked for your view over at Doobster’s, whether it was meant that way or not, it certainly looked it from the outside. There’s a place for passion in blogland, but nastiness purely for disagreeing with someone…..no. Manners and respecting peoples points of view are paramount. No one has to follow anyone they don’t wish to, nor comment if they don’t wish to and everyone has the right to say they completely disagree with that or me. I’m right of course but that’s always the case *laughing a lot*
Thanks for some interesting reading all round.
– sonmi upon the Cloud.
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Thank You Sonmi. Appreciate your comment. I think I must have struck more than a cord with someone. I agree that it is courtesy to at least go and view someone else’s blog if they are a frequent commenter and you like their comments. You can find something nice to comment about and you don’t have to follow them if they are not your cup of tea. I am always right too of course. 😀
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For those of us writing about narcissism, it’s ironic that blogging is really such a narcissistic activity. It’s easy to get a fat head and too much pride when we start getting a lot of views, likes, reblogs, etc. It pays to stay humble. That can be a challenge sometimes.
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Thank You for your comment and I agree. 🙂
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Speaking about narcissistic activity, that’s pretty much what blogging is about. I posted about it here, in case you’re interested. http://mindfuldigressions.com/2013/11/28/the-narcissism-of-blogging/
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Thanks…I think I might have already reblogged this, but I’ll have a look.
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Actually, now that I look at it, you did. Let me compliment your good taste.
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Interesting topic… I think it’s all a bit funny, to be honest. Like, if this were real life and I was talking to someone and they just never said a word back to me… well, that would be awkward! But all I would do is just move along and not try again, cause possibly I’m not keeping their interest or they have nothing really to say. Now if a cruise ship worth of people starting following me around but never talked to me… I would possibly find that creepy, and would likely moon them.
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Of course you would Trent, unless, of course, you were already streaking the promenade deck!
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I will streak anything anywhere anytime! For instance, there’s a snowstorm outside…. hmmmmm….
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This was not about someone not responding to our comments. As a new blogger sometimes I realize I had not always responded to comments or liked them. Because at first you are learning the ropes. I was talking about being a regular commenter in a small blogging community group and then have the person not come back and reciprocate. Well either you get it or you don’t. Some people probably could care less if anyone ever commented on their posts. I like the back and forth. I want to make the connections and I have with some very nice people. But if a person doesn’t like my blog that’s ok. You are not obligated to. I don’t expect everyone to like me.
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Nope, understood your point, and was agreeing in my own snarky way. Conversations can’t be one-sided, otherwise they’re not conversations.
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Well, being that I am becoming famously known as “Julie No Blog” thanks to a certain blogger who was allowed to give me my Indian name. You see, I do not have a blog, so I can’t relate to the problem at hand. I can empathize though. I read a handful of blogs with some regularity. Occasionally I find a new one from the ones I read regularly. In fact I am here because Doobster sent me. Well, he didn’t tell me to come over, but I found my way here from his blog. It is human nature to have a desire to be loved. (or liked, or listened to, or respected or whatever it is you want to call it) So although I do not have a blog, I have begun to realize (with the exception of one) that my favorite blogs are the ones where the owner interacts with the comments made. Especially so since I don’t blog, so I almost feel like an outsider, and having my comment responded to verify’s my visit and gives me a feeling of worth. The one that is the exception is so famous that I don’t think the author would have time to do much at all if she responded to all her comments. She rarely does, but lemme tell you, (as I puff out my chest with pride), she did reply to one of my comments once. I was so excited! Still am truth be told.
Well, just thought I would add my 2 cents to the conversation. Carry on! 😉
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My peeve was about being in a smallish blogger group and have the person respond to my comments but not come back to visit my blog. We are all in this community to supposedly get to know each other. It is a kind of courtesy thing. The big blogs can not always do that. But if they have regulars that are commenting it might be a nice idea to do it. IMO 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
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I agree with you. We are a community here, and I must say overall, a great one! What really brings blogging to life are the comments and relationships among bloggers. I do unfortunately, run out of time to read everyone’s blog that I follow. However, I do my best to catch as many as I can. Life gets busy for sure, but in the middle of all the chaos, it’s nice knowing that we have so many supportive people here, that will still be here after everything calms down. I do indeed love this community!
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Thanks for your support and comment. I am trying to check out the bloggers in Nano Poblano and comment at least once. When I participate in events on other bloggers sites I do try to look at everyone else’s post. Unless there are 2000 of them. I appreciate it that you have come and looked at mine and commented.
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I do agree with you, but at the same time I don’t a little bit. lol Personally I don’t mind if blogs I visit or comment on don’t visit me back.. I’m just really relaxed about that, I guess.
There is a bit of a thing with bloggers lately making demands for attention from everyone they visit, and from everyone who follows them, that I find quite disturbing (I’m not counting this as one of those posts, I’m just pointing it out) and I’ve found myself sometimes feeling this sense of obligation that shouldn’t exist. I tend to visit people who comment or simply like my posts, but they’re not going to know I visited unless I find something worthy of note that makes me use the like button, or choose to follow them; which is often not the case. So lately it’s been “Wow, I really don’t want to be sitting here wondering if these people are glaring at their monitors thinking I’m a jerk who can’t be bothered just because they don’t see my name pop up on their likes or comment section.” I don’t like that, I’m neurotic enough on my own.
Twice I’ve seen someone comment that a fellow blogger actually apologized for not following back and I feel a bit bad for that person, especially if they’re new to this. Support is great and everyone should give their share; there’s no disagreeing with that, but I have to wonder how much of it stems from this same feeling of obligation that sometimes plagues me.
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Well are there some bloggers that you communicate with regularly and visit their blogs? It is about building a community. Of course we can’t do it with everyone that might click like or follow on our blogs. If someone tells me they are following me I do try to go to their site and see what they are about. If I have a regular commenter and have a decent relationship with that person, not a stalker or something, I will go to their blog and reciprocate. Try to say something nice about their post. If it is someone who I really feel I can not connect with then I will not keep going back. It is not a demand you have to like someone. I am talking about someone you have a cordial relationship with. And I was in a small community group. The idea of a small community group is community. Do you ever reach out to any new bloggers? Or is it every man for himself? or herself?
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Hey… Stalkers are people too. 😛
As far as my experiences go, I’m very responsive to people who comment on my blog or who write something I feel I have something to say to, but I wouldn’t say that I reach out to other bloggers with the intent of forming bonds. I enjoy feedback and I like to show my appreciation where it’s due; I’ve gotten into the habit of reblogging posts I’m particularly taken with for instance, but I won’t say I’m here to make friends or that I’m encouraged by the concept of community because what’s natural for me 99% of the time is being a silent reader and doing my own thing. I have to follow the principle that there are other bloggers out there who are like this too, so I don’t go into a comment section expecting anything.
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I don’t expect anything just by commenting. Oh well, I think some people will just not get this. I was in a small blogging community group and thought it is courteous for all of us to try to stop by and see each others posts and yeah maybe comment. And stalkers aren’t people. How can I make a emoji sticking out the tongue?
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Me and me stalker characters resent that. lol
I wasn’t saying that you said you expected anything, I’m just stating the reason why I said I don’t care if people visit me. I understand what you posted, sorry if I implied otherwise.
As for the emjoji, it’s basically this a : P (no spaces)
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Thank You. 😛 Did I get it right? I am feeling very beat up right now.
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You got it. 🙂
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(I may have been the one who mentioned the person who apologized to me…I didn’t mean to single them out, but it was an example of a person who seems pretty cool and I am glad to know, but would never have bothered “going after” for not following. Them or anybody. I don’t keep track of who follows and I also know that not everyone WANTS to follow me. Hopefully it didn’t come across like I was putting them down!)
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You didn’t come across like that at all. And I hope it’s not a problem that I mentioned it, but it’s something that I’ve considered doing myself. Sometimes I do want to go and explain to someone why I’m not going to follow them, or even apologize for it.
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Not a problem at all mentioning it, I just wanted to be sure it didn’t look like I was picking on this one person.
It’s all good 😀
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I comment on lots of blogs and I never expect anyone to comment on mine, and they don’t very often. I do “follow” someone through a comment if they seem interesting. My Book Reader’s blog has a whole 93 Followers, and that’s record for me. I am totally AMAZED when new followers add on each week. I’m not trying to impress EVERYONE with my blogs. I have 3 My first was a book reader blog, then a Recipe blog (well I have two, one’s on Blogger). Then I have a genealogy blog, which I hope to attract folks who might be in my family tree. I proabbaly waste too much time online between WordPress and Facebook, plus genealogy research.
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Thanks for you comment. I am not writing to impress either. Thanks for stopping by.
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Deborah, I also followed Doobster’s re-blog to read this. I’ve seen your comments on other blogs that I follow and have been meaning to come over and take a look at your blog.
I understand what you mean. Allthough I don’t expect anyone to visit or follow my blog I am happy when they do. But that’s just me, I don’t expect others to feel the same. We are all different, we all have our own opinions and expectations and that is great, it’s the differences that make us unique.
One thing that is a little bit of a bother to me is why does WordPress have “like” buttons for each comment? It’s like facebook except that here on WP we have to click on the notification to get the “new” notice mark off of it. I am not complaining and it’s really OK for people to do it, it lets me know that they have read it. However, if they respond to the comment also why would they need to “like” the comment? I am not sure but I think this a relatively new thing here, isn’t it?
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Well you are talking to a new blogger. I am not a Facebook expert either. I know it took me a while to get used to the WordPress system and I am still learning new things. At first I was not liking the comments all the time because I did not notice how it worked either. Even now I have to go back and like some.
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(my unofficial 2 cents: If I like something, it shows up on my blog sidebar, so people may click and end up visiting that blog if they like the image or such that comes up. It’s how I have that specific widget set up. I don’t have it set to show what comments I’ve made because it would likely be all my responses on my site at once. Your results may vary. Because that’s the way results are 🙂 )
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Based on the comments, it looks like you’ve struck a chord with this post, Deborah!
I published my first post on my current blog in July of 2010, and I think a lot of the way I handle things is just the ebb and flow of my blogging life over the years. I comment less on other people’s blogs than I used to mostly because of time. I do my best to respond to comments on my own blog because I do appreciate when people take the time to write a few lines, but it often takes me a while and sometimes it’s just more than I can keep up with.
I also follow fewer blogs than I did when I started out. I realized I had dozens of blogs in my reader, but I only regularly read a couple of them and just scrolled through the rest. At the same time, I don’t expect reciprocal follows or comments. If I follow someone’s blog, it’s because I really want to read their posts as soon as they’re published. I don’t expect them to follow mine unless they feel the same way about my blog.
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Yes I understand. I think I had expectations because of being in Nano Poblano, a smaller blogging community. But then too if I am commenting frequently on someone else’s blog I think it is nice for them to check in. Some people agreed with me while others definitely do not. I am feeling better about accepting that fact now. I think at first when I saw all the comments I took it personally. Getting used to this social media that blogging is takes a little time. 🙂 I am realizing too right now that I may not be able to check out all of my followers but I will try as long as it does not get too overwhelming. 🙂 I may not be able to check out the likes. But if I see someone is liking me frequently I may try to.
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Thanks for stopping by my place. I don’t always reciprocate likes and follows but I always visit the people who visit me or who I’ve noticed on other blogs that I follow. I think I’ll be back here 🙂
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Thanks Dan for stopping by and I look forward to future visits. 🙂 I plan to start catching up with my frequent likes and follows with some visits. 🙂
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